Saturday, June 21, 2008

Suck

I have to be honest, Im hurt.

My friends mean the world to me!
I just wish i meant more to my friends... that like... really sums up my feelings as of lately...

tonight topped it off, tomorrow is my Sweet 16 party and well i was going to have my friend's band play at the party,
they decided to break up before my party, and well i'd had known before and my friend said that they will still play my party. So i was thinking alright sweet! im gonna have a band at my sweet 16 (with a goal of having the best one out of all my friends) and so the closer it gets to the party the more my friend complains about how he doesnt want to play at the party. so im getting more and more worried more and more guilty and feeling like crap if i make them play but im like "okay, they already said they would, they agreed, they have to do it! come on now!" but tonight things just went too far and well it basically came out to be where it would suck one way, or suck another. and well it ended up being that as of tonight.... as of 11:00pm before the party the next day, my band is gone... my band who is made up of my best guy friends....


yeah.... my BEST guy friends....


how sucky do i feel?!? i mean seriously! what the heck guys... now im going to have to tell everyone that i have no band... of my best guy friends including my BEST friend, because half of them crapped out (luckly my best friend didnt... cause then i would be EXTREMELY depressed and unloved)

its times like these when i wish that i was like... gorgeous and everyone was in love with me because then they probably would do it.

i know, lame thought. but still...

ugh... this brings back all the feelings i was starting to overcome of feeling unloved, disliked, unwanted, i mean... i feel like my "good friends" are just friends with me because im friends with a lot of their friends.

i know its just a sweet 16, its a band, its a plus not like a necessity, but it goes deeper than that...

it hurt me because i feel like if they cared more about me they would just suck it up and do it and not complain...

Part of me wishes that they would suprise me and be like "no! were gonna do it anyway! all how you like it" but i know that they arent like that. That wouldnt happen in a million years. im not that special to my friends.

:'[
Happy birthday to me.

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