Monday, December 29, 2008


Okay so I'm going to post a christmas eve blog soon but for now I just want to update saying

And a new cell phone.
And a wii

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


i like this thing.

ive had it for like... a year maybe two now?

check it.

weirdest dinner ever.

okay, so right now im eating the strangest dinner ive ever had....

i'm having mashed potatoes from KFC, a biscuit thing with jelly on it from KFC, a piece of crazy bread from little caesers, a banana, and a candy cane shaped cookie.



i dont quite understand it myself, and i wish i could say i have a good reason for it, but i dont.

the only reason i can come up with is, im hungry, everything looked appealing, and im not eating the meat from KFC because my mom didnt get drumsticks and thats the only think i eat from KFC because everything else is gross to me. i dont know why i only like the drumsticks, but i do. well that and chicken strips but my mom didnt get those either.

i could also say im not eating the meat from KFC because they are cruel to their chickens, and then i could look like a nice person.

but then i would be lying.

im just picky, and i wanted these things.


Monday, December 22, 2008


ugh. okay, i dont know if its just my computer, but blogger is not changing the sizes of the pictures so they are getting cut off because they are too big. it's supposed to be the same size with every picture, no matter what size they are when they start out.

but anyway, if you want to see whole pictures, just click on them.

a few things

Im in a blogging mood (if you couldnt tell by the amount of blogs ive posted in one day, not my record, but still a lot)

so im going to post just a few things i want to do in my life-time. and preferably while im still young.

i dont want it to be a bucket-list type deal where im actually like... on my death bed, and THEN i get the things done.

so yeah, here's just a few ive thought of recently. (im including pictures, just to make it more interesting, and also just because i like visuals.)

i want to go to or have, a rooftop party someday. in like... the city.

I want to have a surprise party thrown for me someday.

I want to feed/pet/possibly own, a fruit bat. i know i know, weird, but its just something interesting i would like to do. and a fruit bat is the cutest kind of bat, all the other ones are freekin uuuuugly and gross looking, but fruit bats are adorable!

if not a fruit bat, then an owl. :)

if you couldnt tell, i love owls. hah.

i also want to go backpacking around europe

go to iceland (preferably when THIS happens)

and while still in iceland, go to these places.

the first one is called the Blue Lagoon, heres a little thing i got off a website about it.

"Easily the most photographed site in all of Iceland, The Blue Lagoon is perhaps the most supernatural looking body of water on Earth. Descriptions of its waters range everywhere from “the same color as the new Gatorade drink” to “frosty blue.” Though the latter term may sound good, the water in the lagoon is anything but “frosty.” The temperature in the swimmable area averages about 40C (104F), and the soothing, mineral-rich water is rumored to have curative powers.

Though the lagoon looks like something born from Iceland’s otherworldly landscape, it is actually man made. It was created by run-off from the Svartsengi power plant, which pumps up the geothermally heated water from a full mile below the surface. After being used to generate both heat and electricity, the excess (which is absolutely clean) is ejected into the lagoon."


pretty much a huuuuuuge jacuzzi!?! that sounds like my kind of place!

if i think of other things then i will make another post, but for now im done.

Someday You Will Be Loved

So last night i was driving home and i was listening to death cab, and the song Someday You Will Be Loved came on, and i started getting emotional, so luckly that happened like... right before i got home, so i stayed in the car and just listened to the words and let them sink in, and i realised it felt like it was a letter from my future self, to my "past" self (well... present).

so im blogging the lyrics

"I once knew a girl in the years of my youth,
With eyes like the summer: all beauty and truth.
But in the morning I fled; left a note and it read,
"Someday you will be loved."

I can not pretend that I felt any regret,
'Cause each broken heart will eventually mend.
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread,
Someday you will be loved.

You’ll be loved, you’ll be loved.
Like you never have known.
And the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams.
Just a series of blurs like I never occurred.
Someday you will be loved.

You may feel alone when you’re falling asleep,
And every time tears roll down your cheeks.
But I know your heart belongs to someone you’ve yet to meet.
And someday you will be loved.

You’ll be loved, you’ll be loved.
Like you never have known.
And the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams.
Just a series of blurs like I never occurred.
Someday you will be loved.
Someday you will be loved."

so im going to explain it a bit, so you understand how it applies.

the line "in the morning i fled, left a note and it read, someday you will be loved" is kind of like... my future self coming back to now, leaving me a note (the song).

and the line "I can not pretend that I felt any regret, 'Cause each broken heart will eventually mend." is kind of how i feel, like i dont really regret anything, even things that really hurt, because i know that if i havent learned from it now, i will learn from it later, and will be okay again.

and the line "and the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams, just a series of blurs like i never occurred" i imagine the memories being the ones of my loneliness, and hurt-filled self. and i mean i can imagine them being just a series of blurs, because usually when your happy you dont feel or imagine pain as sharply as when your actually engulfed by it.

so yeah.

i really like this song....

a lot.

oh and, ive kind of forgotten how good death cab is. and i actually listened to whole songs from that CD without having to force myself.

i think im, slowly but surely, coming back to life. :D


Brian Berry and his blogging made me want pizza now.

like... an intense craving.

thanks a lot. ;P

(just to clarify, he posted a blog about online ordering and customizing your own pizza from dominos, i went on the website to see how it works... yeah. intense craving)


I drew a little today,

just 2 pictures.

one of some friends of mine (just a copy of a picture i had)

and my tree in my backyard.

i wasn't going to start making stuff up quite yet.

i needed to get my creative juices working again. dust off that un-used area of my brain. i haven't drawn or painted (legitimately... non-doodles) in like... a year... maybe more!

so it was weird, but i loved it. it felt so right doing it. i felt refreshed, i was focused, i definitely need to do some fine tuning to fix what techniques I've forgotten or messed up, but all in all it was good. i think I'm going to draw again tomorrow, maybe actually try putting my imagination on paper this time. of coarse ill have to start with just free handing something around me just to get my brain in the right mode, cause its still unusual to do for me. but hopefully something good will happen tomorrow with my sketchbook.

im anxious to see what'll happen.

Are you kidding me?!?

I must have something wrong with me or something because im sick....


this is what, like, the 4th or 5th time ive gotten sick THIS SCHOOL YEAR!!!??!


its bugging me so much! i hate being sick.

so being sick 4 times in like 3 months?!? ugh its annoying!

and also

christmas is in 3 days :[

christmas EVE oh man, im singin for it! and if i get any worse it will ruin my voice!


keep me in your prayers pleeeeeeeease!

i thought i was nervous before?!? psh. this is like 10x worse. before i was healthy! i had control over my voice! but now. oh man, its up in the air.

God please help!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

2 Twilight themed things. (not about twilight itself)

The actor that plays Jacob Black in Twilight, (and also Sharkboy in Sharkboy and Lavagirl, and just an overall attractive person.) Taylor Lautner, has a myspace.

and no its not some scammer person acting like them just to get a bajillion friends, but its actually him.

its on his website that he has a myspace, and the link to it.

so i added him

and he accepted (duh, he probably has like 20,000 myspace friends)

but so it made me happy hah. just cause i felt cooler being that much closer to that life. (movies, fans, celebs, etc.)

on the 2nd twilight themed thing,

i wanted to post pictures of La Push, for all my lazy friends who dont want to look it up on google, or i am unable to show them personally.

yeah i wanna be there.

Friday, December 19, 2008


So lately my days have been.... weird... i cant really think of a better word, but they have just been weird... I go day by day doing the same thing (for the most part,) i mean every day is different, but the same.

school, God, friends, food. not much difference.

mondays- school, food, friends, God.
Tuesdays- school, food, friends, God.
Wednesdays- school, food, church/friends, God.
Thursdays- school, food, church/friends, God.
Fridays- school, food, church/friends, God.
Saturdays- food, friends, God.
Sundays- church, God, friends, food.

i mean... so routine! sure when im with my friends we do different things, but still... its routine!

even music has become boring to me! when i listen to i-tunes i cant find a song i want to stay on. its never like an "ooh!!! this song!" its always just like, oh this is a good song, *pass*. in order to listen to a whole song i have to hold myself back. i just want to listen to the beginning or the best part of the song, and move on. the rest of the song isnt worth it to me anymore.

maybe thats how i am with life. except IM not forcing myself to not skip anything, Time and God is. i HAVE to listen to the whole song.

i feel like my life is idle right now. like... the desert of my life... where theres not much going on, but soon will be? i dont know... im kind of afraid of how inside i am sometimes.

sometimes i dont let myself fully experience something. i just stay inside myself and watch from my little body-shell, but me, the real me, is inside curled up, and my body just nods and smiles and laughs at the appropriate times so my cover isnt blown.

i need to start figuring out how to put on my body again, (imagine the real me, sitting curled up inside my body, and then when im ready to be free, i stand up and kind of put on my body like a coat and walk around in it)

i dont know.

Something Nicholai said one sunday when he was teaching, really got to me. he said when he feels like he needs to come back to God, he does the last thing God told him to do.


im going to try that.

this may sound weird, but for some reason God wants me to start painting again. i feel like only then will i actually be me, body and soul, instead of hiding curled up inside of my body.

i dont know if im making any sense at all, because im kind of writing the blog like... in my head, and i dont know if im typing everything im thinking i should type.

my soul is bad at explaining things.

but yeah, thats probably why things have been "wierd".

i just realised, i think i have the start of the same thing a friend of mine has been struggling with for like a year.


ill have to see if painting works for me.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


Okay, so i admit im a huuuuuuuuuge twilight fan.... and well i saw the movie, and i found that Forks (where bella moves to) and La Push (a beach that is also in the books/movie) are real places, so in the movies i saw that they were BEAUTIFUL! so i looked them up, and found that Forks has the most rainfall in the US so thats why its cloudy, and theres the Hoh forest which is beautiful,

and La Push! oh my gosh! La Push is sooooooooooo beautiful! theres like islands like a mile away from the beach that you can see, and mountains behind the beach, and like... on the edge of the sand is a forest, its soooo pretty!

ive decided sometime in my life im going to visit those places. like... for a week. maybe even 2. and the Forks Motel (Hotel? i forgot which), has a jacuzzi suite, and its just $150 with 2 bedrooms and 3 queens, not too shabby! i just want to try out a place thats like... the opposite of SD. instead of like lack of rain, lack of clear sunny skies. and instead of being hot all the time, being cold all the time. and also where its NORMAL to be extremely pale. ha.

i want it.

i actually looked up directions from my house to the Forks Motel, and its a 21 hour drive. (wow...) road trip anyone?

of coarse im not going to go when im 16. but maybe one summer once me and pretty much all my friends are graduated. which wouldnt be till im like... 19. i just want to go when im still young. still underestimated kind of. still looked at as the CURRENT generation.

i suggest you look up on google La Push, WA. so pretty!

Sunday, December 14, 2008


Its crazy how like you try singing a song and you cannot for the life of you hit a lot of the notes, and then randomly God's like, bam, you can sing it now!

yeah, that kind of happened to me this week.

i was learning a song that im singing for christmas eve, and i was freaking out because i had no idea how i was supposed to hit the (probably) most important notes.

and well, then one time i practiced it, and could hit them all! exactly how the original singer hit them! and i was like, whaaaaaa?!?! how did that happen?!! i dont know.

im excited for this song.

EXTREMELY nervous (as always) im probably going to have to bring like a paper bag with me because its highly possible that ill hypervenhilate.

its crazy how scared i am EVERY TIME I SING in main service. like i always get the shakes, get breathing issues, i bite my nails, get fidgety before going on stage, etc.

probably because everything is perfect in main, and the christmas eve service is like, a pretty big production with our church... so im extra scared.


but i still am excited to sing this song just because i cried the first like 4 times i heard it. i reaaallly hope i dont cry on christmas eve though, and well... if God's just gonna have me cry, then i REALLLLLLLLLLLLY hope that it doesnt screw up my voice, because well... im fine with crying, just as long as it doesnt effect my voice.

i mean ive cried playing worship in encounter before, and i was okay, but this song, i cant afford to screw it up by my emotions hah.

Friday, December 12, 2008


Thats probably the best word to describe this week right now.


i also had 2 weird dreams last night... or well not last night,

its weird because the weirdest dreams i have are the ones that happen while im snoozing.

so in that 9 minute span, my mind comes up with these crazy stories.


ahhh i hope i dont get super stressed today, and that everything goes perfectly! timing, my dress, the band, my hair, everything. just like... amazing.

i really just dont want to be stressed today.

Please God, calm me.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Playlist pt.2

so here are the songs, not in any particular order, except im going to group them into how they apply.

A Little Help From My Friends - Beatles (across the universe version)
Dear Prudence - Beatles

If I Fell - Beatles
You have my attention - Copeland
I Will Posess your heart - Death Cab For Cutie
Someday You Will Be Loved - Death Cab (very much the song of me right now)
Got me goin crazy - Jonas Brothers
The Way I feel Inside - The Zombies

Outside/Violin Solo - Aphex Twins
Cello Suite 1 - Bach (performed by Yoyo Ma)
Claire De Lune - Debussy
Staralfur - Sigur Ros (i know its not instrumental, but they're speaking Icelandic so its instrumental to me hah)
saeglopur - Sigur Ros
hoppipolla - Sigur Ros

Boston - Augustana
Don't Worry, By Happy - Bob Marley
Fix You - Coldplay
Death And All His Friends - Coldplay
The Ghost of a Good Thing - Dashboard Confessional
Passenger Seat - Death Cab
Break The Same - MuteMath
Stall Out - MuteMath
Lonely Day - Phantom Planet
In Our Darkest Hour - Phantom Planet
Breathe Me - Sia
pretty much the whole soundtrack to Once

Shadowfeet - Brooke Frasure
C.S.Lewis Song - Brooke Frasure
All I Can Say - David Crowder Band
You'll Come - Hillsong United
Where The Love Lasts Forever - Hillsong United
There Is Nothing Like - Hillsong United
Beautiful Lord - Leeland

Thats it for now, i'll put more up later.


So im makin a playlist on i-tunes of songs that are like.... very me.

either speak a lot into my life, or describe how i feel, or how my soul feels,

i'll list them later,

but im kind of excited to make it because i feel like i might find myself a bit more, through those songs.


Wednesday, December 10, 2008


Warning: this is kind of a bit of a disturbing message, ill warn before i say the disturbing stuff so you can skip over it, but its just sad.

So a jet crashed in Mira Mesa the other day, (i think maybe yesterday? hard to tell with me nowadays) but so it turns out, it crashed into the house RIGHT NEXT DOOR to my grandma's house.


right next door.

one house over.

her house is on the news constantly, she has been on the news, its crazy!

Warning... a bit disturbing vvvvv
its kind of interesting how my family has experiences with plane crashes in the neighborhood, like the 2 planes crashing in mid-air and plane parts falling from the sky, yeah, that was in my neighborhood, walking distance.... like.. maybe 5 minutes? like 20 seconds in a car. yeah, first time i'd ever seen a dead body, wont forget it thats for sure, it was like some crazy attack just happened, everyone crying or in a daze, walking out of their houses to a mess of metal, craaaaazzzyyyy,


and i didnt hear much of the details until tonight...

i mean i already knew that the pilot was safely ejected and landed, and isnt harmed, and i didnt really think about the house it ran into so i kind of just brushed it off like a crazy mis-hap...

and then i heard about the family who's house it was.

Warning, also disturbing vvvvv
There is a man, i dont know his name, but it turns out his wife (known for 4 years,) his 2 children (still babies) died.

that seriously just crushed my heart to pieces.

i almost started crying right on the spot, but i was there with my brother and his 2 friends and we had just been making fun of the captions for the news (they are live, so they mis-type like CRAZY its hilarious) and then it got to this story and we stopped and just watched, so i didnt really want to cry at that time, but if i was alone i definetly would have started bawling my eyes out.

thats so sad

but the crazy/cool/sad/weird thing is they are christians, and the husband is good enough to pray for the pilot, even as he just lost 3 family members.

that is amazing.

i want to go to the guy and just give him a hug and never let go. and just be like "i know God cant physically hug you, but I will for Him." even though i know God can do anything, blah blah blah, but i mean... how many times do you hear of people hugging God.

you cant even see God without dying. i mean. come on now. hugging him? that will be like... dying 10 times... at the same time... hah

try that one on for size

okay enough

pray for this man and his family, and for protection for him from Satan, and also more jets.
and the pilot to not feel guilty, and for him, if he isnt saved, to be saved.

and for the unknown things that didnt make in on the news because it wasn't heart-wrenching enough in their eyes.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Christmas vs. Clean Water. Malaria vs. Cancer?

Okay, so lately ive been fuming inside about how much the clean water issue, and malaria issue, has been bugging me.

I hate issues that are so able to be taken care of, but arent.

Let me just say the sentence that started this anger.

$450 billion is being spent on Christmas EVERY YEAR!!!!

and do you know how much it takes to supply clean water for the world?


10 billion.

that is 1/45 of the amount being spent ever year on one i guess, month, because Christmas is celebrated all month.

i mean come on!!!!! people are dying EVERY DAY because not enough people know about it, or give money to help, but somehow $450,000,000,000 is available to be spent on Christmas!

sdjklfsdlfksdlf it seriously just ah i dont even know the words to express what it does inside of me! sdlfkjdslf grrr.

AND Malaria!

ITS FREEKING CURABLE! we have the cure for it! yet people are still dying from it! not because the cure doesnt work, but because they dont have the access to it! because either its too expensive, or just not in their reach.


I say Cancer, because when i think of the cure for malaria i think of the cure for cancer, and i feel like something is wrong with this picture.

yes, cancer is TERRIBLE i mean, my grandma died of cancer, i know people who have cancer, im totally not belittling cancer at all!

but honestly!

all these fundraisers are happening for the cure for cancer, but for something we already have a cure of, people are still dying from.

i mean,

why try and discover a cure for something, when were not using our resources to help people not die with the cure that we already have!

ugh! come on!!!!!!!! this is freeking ridiculous!

and once again this brings me back to wanting to get my life started,

because with the life that im aiming for, i would have access to making a difference in a big way,

i feel like the start of the resolution for this is awareness! i mean, duh.

if i could just have access to some air-time, i feel like a ton of progress could be made.

if i could just speak at some big seminar, some progress could be made, i mean i just need to get the word out!

i want to like wear a shirt everyday, or a sign or something everywhere i go that says

$450,000,000,000 spent on Christmas alone,
$10,000,000,000 needed to save thousands of lives with eliminating the need for clean water,
Change the world.

Cure for malaria- available
Cure for cancer-unavailable
so why are people still dying from both?
Change the world.


me and my far-fetched dreams.


So, just now, i posted a blog about how God told me about the whole your life is gonna change tomorrow thing, and how i was searching all day for what it could be,

and well, ive decided i like living like that, figuring out where God is in that day, and how he is messin with things in my life to get me to where i need to be, pretty much living life, aware of my surroundings, aware of the changes, and not taking for granted anything that happend that day because it could play a part in the "change" that will make my future my own.

i dont know,

just thought i would add that.


Ive been questioning things a lot lately,

my thoughts, my motives, whether im hearing God or just myself, my wants, my needs, my taste in certain things, my talents, etc.

a lot of why's, and what's.

like, what am i thinking, am i really thinking that from my heart or just lying to myself, why am i thinking that,

or motives,

what are my motivations, why am i motivated by them, am i really motivated by those things? or is there something else.

i think you get the jist of it.

its been weird, and i havent really been getting a lot of answers, and its kind of ironic because right now my church is doing a series called "Dear God" where you send in questions that you want to ask God, and then they teach about it.


i didnt send in anything because i didnt know what i would write, and now i have all these questions, but none of them are really able to be answered from a church service, they are all like a battle in myself, for my own personal experiences, and not like a global thing,

like this week was why is there suffering,

yeah ive wondered that and the service was great! and deeeeefffffffinnneetly needed that day, (ill elaborate later) and i got some questions answered with that,

but those arent the ones that are nagging my brain,

they are all the ones of myself, my own personal mind, so ive been praying every night to God, asking for help with things, and trying to listen (failing, because i get tired and want to sleep, the downfall of doing it right before bed) and of coarse, he doesnt shout at me, he doesnt tell me a whole paragraph long reason for why certain things are that way, or a big long speech about what im supposed to do,

he gives me like one sentence every like... 2 weeks, and i try and like... dissect it and figure it out and search in my life for how it works, and applies, and such.

like for example, one week i got a sentance of him saying (as i was asking for guidance) "Keep going on the path your on. it will take you 'there'" i know what "there" is, but i was like trying to figure out like whats my path? where am i going? all of the things im doing are like depending on different things i have to make decisions about and i cant make up my mind because i need guidance, but the only thing i have is keep going, so then i just make a circle, so i just decided, keep going, with school, finishing school, graduating early, trying to get a job, saving money, pretty much just keep living in this year. and stop trying to fix things for the upcoming years.

and then the other day i got the "your life is going to change tomorrow, your future will start" and like... i understand what He meant by "future will start" but the change i didnt understand! it messed me up this weekend because i was trying to figure out like, what is this change, will i notice? should i be searching, will it be evident? what is it? when will it happen? is this it? and well... now its after the "tomorrow" and i dont feel any different, i dont understand how my future has started, i just dont get it.

maybe it was the people ive met, the issues i talked about with friends, the differences in the normal routine i have,

i dont know.

but hopefully this is one of those things that i can look back on and know EXACTLY what that change was, and know "yeah, im in the future of my past, and that is how i got here"

yeah. so im still screwed up from the sentences God has told me, but im just gonna keep going.

ugh procrastination/registration

Okay, so im a procrastinator for sure, and well... i was supposed to register for classes like.. last month, but first i didnt know what classes to take, and when i would remember to sign up the registration thing would be closed, so finally after a month of forgetting, i tried signing up for classes,


English, fine, still room, fine, EXCEPT i havent turned in something? that i need to register? so im like what the heck!
so i still cant register

but also
ASL, the class/professor i wanted, is full, so the only way to have that professor, is through another class at a different time, BUT that interferes with English!!!! ughhh! and then! the only teacher available for a time that doesnt interfere with English is the one with the worst reviews (from that i actually wrote "no" next to her name in the class schedual!


stupid procrastination!

its screwin me up!

Saturday, December 6, 2008


okay, so let me start off saying i was REALLY WEIRD YESTERDAY
not in a good way, and not in an annoying way.

i was just like... randomly depressed and extremely lonely,

so when me and my friends were taking a group photo (for no reason) i kept refusing and was being lame, and i didnt really know why.

but today i had a photoshoot and it was fun,



yes, me. the girl who refused to take ONE group photo, had a photoshoot the next day.


i really enjoyed it, especially because when i was younger i wanted to be a model (watching America's Next Top Model every chance i could) and i really wanted to be on that show, but then i changed my mind because i didnt want to be in that scene, like HAVING TO BE SKINNY like... ALL THE TIME and being pretty much anorexic, and also like... pretty much naked. yeah i dont want that.

so i decided not to be a model.


being a rockstar/actress where you take a bunch of pictures for like CD covers and stuff like that. then i could have some modeling in there.

so that would be sweet


but last night, as i was doing the dishes (for some reason thats like, Jesus moment for me all the time) and i was talking to God, and he said that today was going to be "different" and the "start of my future" and i asked him what it means and he said that ill find out,

so im searching for what that means, and i hope i will actually find it.

future, here i come! hah

Thursday, December 4, 2008


I definetly need a lot more of it. well i guess okay no... i dont...

i just would LIKE a lot more of it, because im tired of waiting, and because i KNOW im going to have to continue to wait, i would rather not care anymore.

so i need patience,

but thank God he started teaching me that lesson at OGN this summer, because i dont think i would be able to stand it this time.

I know im being vague, and you dont know why i need patience, but its just for a lot of different things, not all good reasons for being impatient, or good things for me to have right now that im needing to wait for, but just to name a few,

more confidence (i know it seems weird to be "waiting" but its complicated)

im waiting and waiting for my life to start, and i want to start, but have no idea how.

ive been praying for guidance for a while now, and now i need to pray for patience because im not getting the guidance that i want i know im getting what i need, but not wat i want

This is the life i would LOVE to have.

Live in LA, in some crazy cool house/condo/whatever with rad people,
Play music of mine and actually LIKE my songs,
Record a great CD with every song being amazing,
Be on Disney Channel and be a role model for young girls,
Have a group of people that i meet weekly to have an intense worship night/connection with God,
Have a boyfriend (joe jonas?) who joins me in most of those things (when available),
Go on tour (with boyfriend?),
Fly to a ton of places,
Start or Help an organization (possibly to try and raise money/awareness about clean water for the world, or malaria),
Sponsor like... 134892374928347 kids,
Possibly teach younger people about God and my faith,
Do the things im unable to do because im tied down from money/access.

I can do it. I know how i am, i know im completely capable of doing those things and still be with God and praise him and have a connection with him,

but all im getting from God right now is to keep going with what im doing, the path that im going on, and finish what i need to finish and i will eventually get where i need to go in order to start my future. if that makes any sense.


im impatient. i know thats all i need to hear right now, and all that God will tell me right now, but im impatient.

God help me.