Yeah... i didnt even like... go in my room with the mindset of "im gonna write a song about how i feel" i just went in my room to play the guitar, (in my mind i read guitar and it sounded in my head like gwee-tar) and played a song of mine to get it out of my system because it kind of applied to how i feel at the moment, and then i thought of a new line for a new song and got this envelope that was in my room from World Vision and wrote it down. and started to play a random chord progression, and then more words and a melody started flowing to my mind, and like... i dont know... it just came together piece by piece... i mean i struggled with some parts, but sometimes my mind just shuts off.
hah all in all, its pretty much finished, and the envelope is completely covered in slanted, sometimes up-side-down, jumbled lyrics that suprisingly i can interpret into where the song goes, and ink scratches of where i changed a word or re-arranged a phrase or two.... or... 10...
the only thing is, this song kind of bares my soul a bit more than i would like...
like.... its REALLLLLLY how i feel.. like... the deepest core of me... like... pretty much diary in music form... so it may take me a bit to actually play it... and for my friends who have tried to get me to play my songs, you knowwwww how hard (almost impossible) it is to get me to play my songs... so this one is like... especially special to me... and like... i dont know... i dont think i could handle a critique just yet because it would be like... critiquing my soul pretty much... and that would hurt way too bad... especially right now, where im a bit.... wounded...
i will say,
its a song to God... about how i feel... theres a lot of questions in the lyrics... like...
the first line of the chorus, (just saying one line of the song is baring a lot of my soul already, so please be kind, if not lie.) is: "Is this the death of love for me?"
okay, now that im looking at the lyrics, theres only like... 3 questions in there, but still...
its sort of a... lost song... because honestly im in the dark right now with how things are going to turn out, so im asking questions. but i dont always feel the way that the song describes...
i mean... when im down, and dwelling on it, those are the thoughts in my head, but when im around people and trying to be good, then i think differently... so im not always like this, and there is part of the real me that actually thinks differently than this sad... me. but you probably have no idea what im talking about because you dont know what the song says.
i dont know.
but im excited for this song, because theres a part that im kind of fitting in, well... attempting to fit in, where theres like a bridge and the words sort of overlap a bit... and like.. the first ones are me, and the other ones are God (which would be sung by michael maybe? if i play it with phantom tollbooth) and like... one of the lines is (breathe summer, breathe.)
"Find me so my love can be true (my love is true)"
and then theres also an alternate chorus (possibly sung by michael?) that is of God's side. like... two of the lines (yes im going to reveal two,) that are kind of like... alternated for God is
instead of my
"Is this the death of love for me?" its "Is this the death of your love for Me?"
instead of my "I can wait, i have waited for love to come and find me."
"I can wait, I have waited, for you to seek and find Me."
i dont know...
i like it, because its like... real, true, feelings.
i hope i muster up the courage to actually play it for people someday, part of me actually enjoys people knowing the depths of my soul. theres so much i hold inside myself that when i let go and its all in the open its so refreshing.
my only concern is my lack of a creative vocal melody... i tried to make it as pleasing to the ear as possible, while not being repetitive, or completely all over the place, but im not sure if ive succeeded.
i feel good. maybe even like... better, like... a little healed...
ha. God is amazing.