Thursday, April 30, 2009

Post #200

I thought i would like to share this video me and my dad just watched...




i saw it a while ago like actually on TV, but i forgot how funny it was,


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoGYx35ypus



"You're sitting in a chair.... in the SKY!"



just a quick little life-update again... well


not so much like... recently, but...


My heart and love-capacity is growing more and more, and i like it. it makes me happy.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Blah day.

Today wasnt too great. anything that would have made it remotely exciting were all bad things. such as.



i got a failing grade on one of my papers for English class.


not cool. so i have to re-write it if i want to maintain my A in the class.


then, after class in the parking lot i almost get T-boned by one of my classmates,


also not cool.



so its gonna be awkward next class because he looked PISSED even though i didnt really do anything wrong. we just both were going for the exit at the same time.




and then, in the midst of almost getting rammed by my classmate (with a nice looking car btw) i cussed, and so i felt bad and i apologized to God afterward,


but then,


the WHOLE ENTIRE DRIVE there were just every idiot driver possible around me... like... im just going in the parking lot of Mc Donalds and everyone is like coming around corners super fast so i have to slam on my brakes so they dont hit me...


then i go to mc donalds and i order some food and a drink... and when i pull up i realise that i have no money in my wallet. crap! so i try to pull together as much change as possible, but i was only able to pay for my drink which is what i wanted the most. and then a little snack wrap thing thats like.. teensy and not very filling.


then driving home still, im either behind an idiot, in front of an idiot, or almost getting hit by an idiot.



then i get home, and i remember that my mom is in carlsbad for the rest of the week, and my dad is leaving tonight to go too, and so i cant vent about my day to my mom, and well... i dont really talk to my dad about stuff, he just wants to know what he needs to know and be done with it... no need for extra details... and trust me, im not exaggurating, he has even told me "you didnt need all the rest in that story" and more, and so i go home to an almost empty house,



and then i remember i have all my homework i have to do... so im dreading it,


so i start it, and its taking forever! and then my dad leaves and i finally finish my homework for the day,


and so i go to my friends house and hang out and watch the Heroes episode i missed, and that was nice, probably like... the only good part of my day, other than i drank a whole 49oz powerade from mc donalds by myself and was pretty stoked about it... and then i hung out after watching heroes and then kind of got annoyed because i was talking about a situation that really bugged me and so that didnt make me very happy,


and then i go home (in a fairly good mood, other than the fact that i have to leave to go to an empty lonely house)


so i go to my empty lonely house all lonely, and then i talk to my friend on the phone about how im home alone and other stuff, and well that kind of put me in a better mood just cause i like talkin with friends... so yeah that was pretty good.



so i had a pretty crappy day, other than like... the end of the day.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

:[

I just thought about how far away we've gotten from God.


i mean yes ive thought countless times how crappy society has gotten and how downhill everything is going, but i didnt actually really think this specific thought until just now.


i was listening to the 700 club on the tv behind me (i dont watch it, it kind of bores me, but my mom does.) and i remembered that before every episode it says "The following program does not reflect the views of ABC family" and it always depresses me because its like really? honestly. they dont want to lose viewers from GOD being on their tv? they really dont want to offend people by talking about our Creator?



wow.


in the beginning humans were walking... WALKING WITH GOD!!!


now even churches, who are really seeking God, arent even getting it fully right.



we are SO LOST we have no idea how to get home.


most of us dont even know where Home is!



i just thought of that...




im really sad about it :[



im gonna go downstairs and play worship songs to God.



He deserves it. i want to worship Him because no one else is. (not NO ONE else, but a lot of people arent, and he should be praised constantly, by every single person ever born)



so yeah


bye.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Flyer for the show

on the myspace.


myspace.com/thphntmtllbth


it shows who we're playing with.


check it!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Oh my gosh! I can post with my phone now!! Dannnnng. Im just testing this out to see how it looks weeee this is fun!!! k bye.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH SHOW COMING UP

Hey! You! Reader of my blog!




come to my band's show!



The Phantom Tollbooth is playing May 9th at Channel 1225 (again)



with other bands that are TBA/TBP (To be picked)




but its 7:00pm at Channel 1225, and i would think the price is the same as last time, like $8 in advance, and $10 at the door, but im not quite sure.



last time we got 39 tickets sold! only like 26 of which was in advance and only like 3 or 4 other friends payed at the door, so that was a rad turn-out because strangers actually named us, for who theyre paying for...



BUT


we still need to sell enough tickets in time, and its more difficult this time because well

1-its our second show, not our first, so the support is different.
2-we have less time to sell tickets/spread the word.
3-people arent going to want to see us again especially because were a small local band.


HOWEVER!


1-we wrote a new song today, and its RAD, and we might be able to finish another song next week so we might be able to play 2 new songs.
2-you love us ;) and want to see us play.
3-there are some people that missed it that might be able to come to this show.




but pleeeeeassseee


buy tickets!



we have to sell a certain amount of tickets... and we want the venue to still like us, and let them be confident that we will make them money which means they will want us to play again...



also.



bring your friends! the more fans the better! spread the word! bring your families!



do whatever you can!



also, check out our myspace... we have a video that the venue made for us from our last show, and some pics up there too from the show that Seth took for us.



add us, message us, love us, COME SEE US!



:D


comment me for more ticket info if you want, or text me or call me, just


contact me if you wanna go,


even if its a "i dont know if i can go, but im interested" or "i dont know if i wanna go, tell me why i should go."



just.


if you are at all interested,


TALK TO ME!


or message the band's myspace, whatever you prefer.

www.myspace.com/thphntmtllbth

(to remember it, its just The Phantom Tollbooth but without any vowels)

all of us check it frequently so you will reach one of us.


HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!

life update #2

just a quick update,


drama is starting to be over... its like... pretty much over, but theres still some recovery time that needs to happen, and a new normal needs to be set again.



but im not depressed anymore just fyi... and im starting to make friends/get closer with old ones again.


its pretty good.



except... my mom has placed a new rule on me that is sucky but i wont say, because well... i just wont... but its cool because a maaaaaaajor weight has been lifted from my shoulders, at the same time that a rule and responsibility has been placed on my shoulders. its kind of interesting how that works...


but yeah.


things are getting better... a LOT better.

Hmm... Future?

So i talked with my mom tonight, just sort of catching up, she asked me about The Exchange (new cafe/music/art venue thing at Journey) and i told her, and then that went into another conversation about her night, and then to my band, then to my future, etc.



so when we get to my future, i said how i dont really have a career in mind because well... i dont even wanna try for movie star or rock star haha.



so im like okay, theres no REALISTIC career i want...


and i thought how if anything i would wanna do something that i really had like.. a passion for, or a calling, and well all i could think of was how right now i have a big conviction about people's humanities being taken away, how like people in jail get treated so cruelly and like... they're treated like animals or evil robots, rather than children of God with a purpose. and then my mom told me about how i could go into psychology for people who are either in jail, or just got released from jail, or i could help women just released from jail, get jobs and keep their life on track, but then i thought how i would want to be like... a christian psychologist. i dont want to be with like some company and i go from like the scientific point of view, like the whole "how does that make you feel?" type thing, like... i want to be like "is there any generational sin in your life?" or "can i pray for you?" like... i want to be like a christian psychologist/prayer warrior/humanity giver-backer (haha).



also for people who are sentenced to life in prison, or the death-penalty, because right there youve kind of gotten your humanity, and purpose, stripped away. its like..


well, im gonna be in here forever, what purpose do i have?


and so i want to like help those people...


i dont know...



and also im big on like morals for young teens as of recently... because honestly, teens these day are SO REDICULOUSLY STUPID!!! and SO REDICULOUSLY IMMATURE! and they think they are so cool! its depressing! they cuss right and left, they are all over each other (boyfriend/girlfriend-wise) in public, girls dress like sluts and that makes them popular, guys are perves and its "funny", people who are stupid are "normal", and if your apathetic then you're "different".... and thats just in my circle of friends (almost ALL of whom are "christians" or go to church... something's wrong here...)



what?!? no! thats so not right! i feel like if we were in bible-times God would have sent down an army of angels to distroy, well... the whole earth. (like ya know how if there was a city that was realllllly screwed up then he would take out all the God-seeking ones and warn them, and then distroy the city) well i feel like God should distroy america. maybe thats why the economy goes to crap, and natural disasters happen. because there are so many people now God cant just distroy a city anymore, and we're all so spread out he couldnt just warn the righteous ones to leave, where would we go? ya know?



honestly, i constantly want to just start my own country, and do it right. like morally, socially, etc. but 1, buying your own island is EXPENSIIIVVE, and its a part of at least some country, and would probably have laws already set n stuff. and 2, people would probably either think im rediculous, or think im the leader of a kult or something... but really! not even my christian friends are doing it right! im not even doing it right!



bleh.


maybe i should start my own church? idk.


no wonder the tribulation is gonna happen, and the rapture, all that stuff.



we are screwed up!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

modesty update

Violet (my brother's girlfriend,) sent me this website

suddenlydarling.com



and its a clothing site for girls who want to be fashionable without sacrificing modesty.


which is like...


EXACTLY what im looking for :]


so im happy.


just thought i would share it in-case there are any people out there that agree with me on the modesty thing, or know people who are looking to be more modest.



feel free to share the link :]



just a little side note, i think that church's and youth groups should have like... flyers or something or like... just a small little card of stores and websites that sell modest clothes that girls could pick up or check out sometime.



just to kind of silently push modesty a bit more... just one small little thing to make it easier for girls to be modest that way they dont have to search and search and possibly eventually give up.


just an idea.

Insects

Okay, i dont know about you, but because of this weather my house, and outside of my house like my porchlight n stuff, have been getting SWARRRRMMMMSSS of bugs!

like tons of mosquito hawks, tons of REDICULOUSLY SIZED MOTHS like... seriously, they are monsters (for San Diego bugs, i know you could find like 1 foot sized bugs in like the amazon or something but this is SD,) they are HUGE



and they happened to be stuck upstairs in my house running into the windows, smacking themselves into the lights and computer monitors,



its really frustrating.



and



sometimes, a mosquito hawk would make its way into my room, and well i have a lamp right by my bed and when im going to bed i turn that light on, and turn off my ceiling fan light so that i can get in bed with a light to see, and then turn it off when im all snug and good.


well when i have only that light on, its the only thing that the little bugger is attracted to, so its all flying around my general vicinity, and every now and then it flies by my head, or runs into the lamp and is just overall stupid.


and then, after i turn off my lamp, it is attracted to the light of my alarm clock so its really annoying when mosquito hawks come into my house...



bleh.


but this one moth while i was posting my previous blog, got stuck in our chandelier thing.


its like... a glass bowl-ish lookin thing with the lights inside the bowl (not the one in the dining room,) this bowl thing is more like cup shape... more like... a cylinder with a round bottom, with lights inside it.


so a moth gets stuck in there and is like flying all around the inside of the glass part, and its really funny, until it comes flying out all stupid-like and all floppy because its drunk and messed up from being stuck in the glass thing, so it thunks itself into the windows and walls and ceiling, and then makes its way over to me, and bugs me too.




gosh i hate bugs!

Tuesday Group

I think, was really good tonight... we started out with Michael talking about something he found in the bible and what it spoke to him, and then we started talking about like controversial subjects like homosexuality, and also argued about whether or not scary movies are wrong.


which i got pretty dang heated about it. but i wont get into that.


if you wanna know more about why i think they are wrong, just ask me and ill be more than happy to tell you.


but i think it was good.


i like arguing about beliefs. it makes me stronger in my own and also,



im really thankful ive learned to admit when im wrong. because it makes life better for me.


because then arguements end once i figure out that im wrong, but when i dont.


man oh man, i stand my ground.


i do NOT, i NEVER everrrrrrr argue for the sake of arguing. i never keep going in an argument just to win.


i just argue to get my point across.


and honestly, i wish everyone would admit when they feel they are wrong, or when someone else makes a good point that stumps them. i wish people would just admit it.


because it bugs me when people just keep going after ive made my good solid points just because they dont want to admit that ive stumped them.



but whatever



but i really liked it tonight because i felt very strong in my beliefs and it made me want to research my beliefs more to back them up so that everything i believe is legit and not just like... some idea i made up in my head.


not saying as of right now they are, but like... i dont know.



honestly, i think im a pretty good arguer. i dont believe things just to believe them. i believe things for so many reasons, and i voice my opinion.



i like it :]

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Life update.

I know i just wrote a thank you thing, and so i should be feeling happy, because usually when you're thanking someone you are grateful which makes you in turn, happy.


well.


i just need to vaguely update you on my life right now.




i have nowhere to turn, i have nowhere to escape the drama that is consuming my life as of right now.




everywhere. EVERYWHERE i go. no matter what. it is there. somehow, some reminder, some person is there to make me feel like crap.





i made a wrong move, and i cant tell you how much i think about it EVERY DAY. because of it, my life is downspiraling and im struggling so much to slow the process, to try to keep my head above water. Friends are turning on me, i beat myself up about it constantly, its never out of my head, im chained down with guilt and shame, im being blamed for things i didnt do, im being judged and looked down on as a "bad friend" for things that were out of my control, people are jumping to conclusions about me about a misunderstanding that they refuse to test as truth or not, im becoming more and more depressed about something that should be over and done with by now.



i cant get away from it. no matter where i go, no matter what sanctuary i find, it is interrupted. no matter what escape i go to, it is barged in on and stolen from me. please just leave me alone! let me have my sanctuary! I shouldnt be feeling this bad! I shouldnt be beating myself up so much!




I cant forgive myself. i cant stand hurting someone, it KILLS me. im deteriorating on the inside and everyone is leaving me so im left with only few who can try to mend me.





You wanna know why its so easy for me to "skip out" on things? I cant handle being there. Where my problem is alive and thriving. i dont want to go ANYWHERE anymore because i cant handle the depression it puts me in.




It hurts me SO MUCH to know how breakable certain friendships are. How easy it is for people to just conclude something about me and not actually go to me to confirm it.




I cant tell you how much i want to just shout "ALRIGHT! I GIVE UP! JUST PLEASE! PLEEEEASE! LEAVE ME BE!" not like i was fighting for anything anyway, except maybe my sanity and humanity.



but honestly.


im drowning. and i have NO IDEA what im supposed to do to save myself.


ive given up with a lot of things, ive handed over a lot of friends and sanctuaries just for some peace.



but its not coming.



gah



i hate depression.

Thank you, friends.

I just wanted to post a blog saying thank you to all of my friends who are still sticking with me even though right now a TON of my friends are turning on me.



Thank you for not being judgemental like them.


Thank you for not jumping to conclusions to easily make me the "bad guy" as always seems to happen to me.


Thank you for being there for me.


Thank you for ignoring the gossip and lies that are causing my friendships to fall apart.


Thank you so so so so so so so so so so so so much for not picking sides as a lot of people are. (even ones i thought never would.) :'(


Thank you for putting up with this blog that is probably extremely vague to you, but not to some.


Thank you for respecting my privacy and the secrets that i have to keep for the benefit of my friends' privacies.


Thank you so much for being the few i can count on when all hell is breaking loose.


Thank you for making me laugh, and laughing with me when all of the past week i had been crying alone.


Thank you for listening when need be, and giving advice when need be.


Thank you for not leaving me even when i "get old" or "boring"


Thank you for hearing my problems and not turning it into gossip.


Thank you so much for hanging out with me and genuinely caring about me.




Honestly, right now a lot of my friendships are breaking because of a misunderstanding, and i really miss EVERY SINGLE ONE of the friends that im losing/have lost.


but thank you for sticking with me and keeping me company when i feel so alone.




also, thank you to my girlfriend for having coffee with me today... i know we just spilled the drama and boy-updates in our lives, but i cant tell you how needed that was. how incredibly overdue that was. how much i dont have that in my life anymore. I miss girl talk :[ but i got to have that today legitimately for the first time in many many many months. I really hope we keep up with the 2-week rule. Im not going to be annoying, dont worry, but i need you right now. I need a girl i can talk to so i can feel HUMAN, and not like some messed up reject who isnt aloud to make one mistake or everyone will turn on you. but now im projecting.




anyway.



i just wanted to say thank you. You all rose up and proved to me that you arent going to let me drown.



i could go on and on.



THANK YOU!

Monday, April 20, 2009

blurry lines

okay, so my last post sparked something in me that i wanted to blog about as well...



lines.


i know... weird.


but i hate how blurred moral lines have gotten, and how comfortable we CHRISTIANS are with standing in that blurred section.



no!!!



i dont want to take those risks of it maybe being right.



i want to just do whats right.



none of that "it depends" crap.



no


if something "depends" on whether or not its Godly, then well...


its not.


im sorry.


im happy to say, that i dont cuss, i am getting more modest now, and im having a lot more conviction about things like in myself, and in churches.


i never was a fan of like the stuck-up christians that are like *gasp!* you just were sarcastic! your going to hell!



but honestly, i think a LOT of people are getting it wrong.



yes God accepts you how you are, and he will always forgive you, etc.


but.


we are supposed to be a light.


even if some things may not be "technically wrong" if its wrong in non-believers eyes, then what kind of message are we putting across if we do things that they think are wrong, when we teach about living righteously.


hmm.


i like how im living now. its seriously SOOOO much better, and fresher, and cleaner, and not so mudded up from the simple small un-godly things i would do.

its also great because from these convictions shines light on other convictions and now im kind of like... cleansing myself a bit, and the more i get clean, the more i see how dirty it really was, and the more clean patches i have, the more i notice the additional dirty spots.


i make just teensy adjustments and now i feel so great!

im not saying im perfect now, no way! but i just love that i got rid of a few sins that i didnt really pay much attention to because i didnt think it really was "that bad"



but you cant say "that bad" without "bad"



i hate blurry lines.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

I love Jesus, I hate satan.

Easy title, yeah. anyway


so today i was at parkway plaza eating, and well... i put my purse on the ground next to my chair while i was sitting at the food court, and i made a mental note (usually they work for me,) "do NOT forget this, because this is an easy situation to forget it"


well..


i forgot it.


and then i didnt realise it till like 20 (maybe 30) minutes later... so i go back to where i left it and i dont see it.


im like... devistated, and i feel like a complete idiot for forgetting it in the first place.


then i remember my liscence and my mom's ATM card is in there.


ouch.


so i go over to C28, and Ronnie gives me the number for the parkway plaza security office, and so i ask them if they had a purse in the lost and found, and they said they never got any purse drop-offs that day, so then i thank him and hang up the phone and seriously...

by now, im like... severrrely holding back tears because all from my stupid brain, all hell is going to break loose.


someone stole my purse, with my liscence and my mom's atm card, a lot of things in there that i cant get back, and i have to figure out how to make things right, so i was anticipating the hell ive caused, when this little girl...

she probably was like... 8? and she said (in C28 btw) "did you pray yet?" kind of like... jokingly, and i said "well, no actually..." suprised at her smartness, and then Ronnie said "well, lets pray then, right now..." and so me, Ronnie, the little girl, stand there while i say my desperate prayer to God.


when suddenly,



no joke. i say "Amen" and not like... 3 seconds pass before my phone rings and its the security office calling me asking me what my purse looked like, and i told them and they were like "alright, yeah, that sounds like it." and so i start just beeeeaaaming and ask them where the security office is, and they get my name so i can identify myself, etc.

so i walk to the office, kind of like... smiling/giggling as im walking there, because of how amazing this whole situation is.


so i get my purse back! nothing is missing in it, its all good! so i go back to C28, and the little girl is there still, and i thanked her, and that she was amazing, laughing/beaming as im talking, and every now and then slipping in a "Jeeesuuuuuus!!!! is amazing!!! haha!!"



so yeah.


that was an amazing experience!




but,


iiii haaaaate satan! so much! like... honestly, hes messing with my friends, and that is NOT cool.


i already hate it when he messes with me, when i have to call my brother to come in my room and pray with me because im all scared from stupid attacks.


but situations with my friends is happening more and more, and that just infuriates me.


I thank God that im not a strong person when it comes to fear because even though to me, my stuff is freeking SCARY, compared to some of my friend's attacks, is like... hardly anything.


and well, i cant watch scary movies, because i cant educate my mind so that satan can use a new face to scare me with.


and honestly, i thank God also, for my friends who know me, and understand that i cannot, CANNOT, see anything scary. not even like a hint of something, or i will be screwed up for months.




really, i think scary movies are wrong. I dont think that Jesus would go to a horror movie, or say "yeah im okay with that" about something so purely destructive.


i wish my friends understood that, but they all love scary movies and think that just because they arent haunted by anything, that they are fine, that they arent inviting satan into their minds, but whatever.



dont listen to the girl who has had spiritual attacks as long as she can remember.
dont listen to the girl who has gone to countless pastors to become more educated about the spiritual realm.

dont listen to the girl who has personal encounters with demons.


psh.

she knows nothing.

shes not interested at all to understand her issues.

shes just some goody goody christian girl that thinks waaaay too many things are wrong that are harmless.



im sorry but um...


wrong.


but im ranting.

sorry,

things like this bug me. when people dont go to as many measures as possible to not let satan in.


that they just like... live, like.. are neighbors with satan.


no.


dont be comfortable!


dont let it be the "norm" thats what he wants!


sldkfjldskjflsdkjf

sorry,


this just rattles my bones.


bleh.

did i really just say that?


idk.

rant, OVER.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Theory

I think i might have figured out why ive been getting sick so much this year...


i think its because ive been working myself a lot harder this year than any other year because im trying to graduate early.

so my body's like woah woah woah there... ive never done this much before, i cant handle all this extra work AND keep your immune system up and running...


so that might be why, so its only normal that i would get sick right NOW when i just started my 2 months of intense work before school is over...



so ive been sleeping a LOT the past couple of days...


but last night i got only like... 4 hours of sleep... bleh... so i just got home from church after leaving between services (making sure shea could take my place)


and hopefully everything works out...


but i left because i just reeeeally need sleeeeeeep




oh hey.


i have a twitter btw.


i think my sn is sunhearts but im not quite sure.

look me up.


i havent quite figured out how to get updates sent to my phone from other people, but i can send them out.


k.

happy easter :]

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Guess what...

Im sick again...


oh joy.


this is what the 7th time? gosh. ive lost count.


its weird because this time i have like.. a weird sickness..


i dont have a fever, yet i get freeeeezing really easily, and i also get burning hot really easily.


for the most part im freezing, but if i finally warm up, i dont stop warming up until im like... sweating to where i have to take off the blanket or jacket i was using to get warm, and then i get freezing again.


i cant be normal temperature!


and also, i have a cough.... i hate coughs.. bleh.


and the first 2 or 3 days of my sickness i had an excrutiating headache. and intense sinus pressure.


the first night i was sick (thursday night) i was beating myself over the head with my fist to try to make the pain go away (i know that hitting myself wont make pain go away, but knocking myself out will.) but my friend wouldnt let me, he would grab my wrists anytime i would try to hit myself.



bleh


and also, i was supposed to sing Lead Me To The Cross on Good Friday, but i had to tell Jason at like... noon that day that i couldnt sing it because i was sick, and well... i could sort of carry a tune on friday, but i had an intense cough where every 3 or 4 words of singing i would start coughing up a lung. so i figured i probably cant sing.


then today, we had a worship practice because we needed one today because our electric guitarist couldnt make it this thursday... and well i tried singing today, and well.. my voice was worse, not only did i have a cough, my voice was shakey and my head-voice was pretty much non-existant. so i dont know how tomorrow is going to turn out... i hope either my voice gets better, or we have some great alternative... but so far, im not very excited for easter.


also because we have to get to church at 6:30!!!! to do runthrough and sound-check, etc. and then go to the first main service at 8:00... and then have our own 2 services at 9:30 and 11:00....



i didnt ask for this! i didnt ask to go to first service, i didnt ask to get there at 6:30, i didnt ask for myself to have to get sick, i didnt ask for having the responsability to where i have to go to practices and services even though im sick.


bleh.


i feel like crap.

but, i went to this comedy theatre downtown to celebrate my brother's birthday (6 days late) and it was hilarious, but it sucked that i was sick because i couldnt shout out suggestions (it was an Improv comedy theatre called National Comedy Theatre) and it was really fun, and now everyone is over at my house and my mom is making spaghetti and were gonna have cake and all i wanna do is take a shower and go to bed and sleep till noon.

but people are over, so im hiding upstairs, wallowing in my sickness and sorrow for lack of sleep tomorrow, and anticipating the slowly growing headache that is occuring.


bleh.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Modest is Hottest (update)

I went to the spring retreat, the most revealing thing i wore were shorts that werent that short at all.


i didnt go in the pool or jacuzzi at all because my bathing suit was too skimpy.


yesterday i went shopping for a more modest bathing suit. and found some boardshorts im going to buy.


but as far as the top is concerned, thats a struggle because anything that covers really is laaaaaame looking. and anything even remotely cute is skimpy.



blah.


this is tough

Ugh, im going to lose my life for 2 months. :[

Okay, so in the next 2 months, im pretty much going to have no life. except for like.. non-optional things like worship and church. but fun stuff? nope.


Im going to be cramming my brain with math non-stop for 2 months. or sooner, depending on how fast i cram and how effective it is.



okay


i have these books, one is for one year, and one is for another year.


all have 120 lessons in them. (so 240 total)


they have that many because you're supposed to do them one every day during the schooling days.


well.


im on number like... 85 of the first book


and i have to finish both books in order to graduate.



yeah...


so that means i have 155 lessons to do in 2 months.


so that means i have to do 2 lessons every day (including weekends) for 2 months.


doesnt sound hard, right?

wrong.


it takes me a long time to finish a lesson, also im NEVER home.

heres the non-optional things i have to do.

monday-school at g-mont +hw for that class
tuesday-school at g-mont +hw for that class, tuesday group.
wednesday- school at g-mont +hw for that class, programming meeting? small groups? (more optional, but still something i should go to)
thursday- school at g-mont +hw for that class, band practice, some extra jesus time.
friday- band practice (they would kill me if i skipped out for 2 months),
sunday- church.



so this stupid school business is going to soak up my mornings, my nights, my weekends, AND my spring break!


oh and


another thing.

ive hardly TOUCHED my economics book. so theres another hour or two of reading everyday. bleh.



and the worst part is.



i brought this on myself.


i could be totally relaxed if 1: i wasnt trying to graduate early. (which brings me the extra years worth of school, and g-mont classes.) 2: i wasnt such a procrastinator 3: if i didnt love my friends so much, and 4: if i didnt hate being home so much.




lskdjflksdfjljk this will all be over in 2 months.


this summer is going to be so relaxing, so sweet, so golden, so EARNED.



and the best part is.


its going to start by me going to disneyland for grad-night, which also happens to be the same night as the start of my birthday (your at disneyland from 10:30 till 6:00 in the morning) and then the day after my birthday is graduation. then after all that amazingness,


absolutely 100% free from highschool.


free from mandatory schooling. free from any "catching up" i have to do.

im glad im ending on this note, because it really is encouraging me to really just blast through my work. just really work my hardest, make an intense effort to get through this!


yes! its going to be done, and over in just 2 months. just 60 days. its going to be wonderful.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

"Modest is Hottest"

I wish there was a way to tan at the beach or a hotel without everyone seeing me pretty much half-naked at a church camp.


modest bathing-suits need to be more acceptable, because with what i have right now, im not going to be going in a pool all weekend, unless i have like... clothes on or something.



i know this post probably sounds weird, especially because ive gone in plenty of pools and gone to the beach plenty of times, but recently ive decided im not going to be going to the beach or in a pool pretty much in my underwear because its wrong. youre pretty much showing everything...

i mean

sure your covering the main stuff, but honestly.... you dont need THAT much imagination to understand whats goin on underneath.


ya know.



so through a ton of inner-battles of whats right and whats wrong and what i should do and all that stuff, ive decided that im going to respect my future husband by not showing off (almost) everything to the whole world. or well... all of SD. *sigh* from now on.



i just hope i dont get pressured into doing it anyway this weekend by my friends saying "come on, its just us girls" (wrong) or "oh please, you have nothing to hide" (wrong) because honestly, i dont really want to go through the hassle of having to figure out some way to cover up, but im going to anyway, so i hope i stay strong in this.




blah.



i just wish there was a way to be modest AND stylish in this matter hah rather than just looking like a wimpy homeschooler wearing shorts and a shirt in a pool.


and, i applaud all of the GUYS who have shown me that modest is hottest, and have brought me into being MORE modest than i wanted, and also brought me to making this decision.


Im proud of you guys!


I hope i start a trend or something. im gonna get all my friends together and try to be modest all weekend, we should work on different ways to be modest and still cute.


but i still just have a concern about terrible tan-lines.


because honestly,


a tank-top tan line and a shorts tan line is pretty lame.


but ill figure something out...



hah. im such a girl.

Twitter

Wow.



I have one.


and im using it now.



i dont know what to think.


i have a myspace, facebook, flickr, blogger, and now a twitter.





and suprisingly i dont spend that much time on the computer.


benefits of being a fast typer :]