Wednesday, May 27, 2009

2 Career possibilities

this is gonna be a super short post.

1- Graphic Designer.

2- Hair Stylist.

because both are pretty good money-wise, and i enjoy both.

maybe i could be a graphic designing hair stylist?

whats up with me and combining my career choices? like musissionary (musician/missionary)

we'll see.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


Life is bugging me.

i honestly want to just leave and start a new life. start fresh. no histories, no pasts, no grudges, no judgements, no misunderstandings. just new and ONLY new.

because heres the thing.

a lot, and i mean... a LOT of people that were my "friends" think i did something i didnt do, and easily believe that im some bad person, and that im only "acting innocent when everyone knows im not" and well...

i dont want to sound stupid right now but, I AM!

people think that i stole something from someone when if anything i was trying to help them keep it! with no intentions whatsoever of having it for myself, and even when i had it for myself i tried to respect the person who had it before me as much as i could, and in a sense it sort of like... fell into my lap rather than me taking it or trying to get it.

i went through a LOT of pain over this and i continue to beat myself up, and constantly believe that i AM a bad person. and the worst part is that my friends are mad at me because they think im some heartless thief, and there are too many for me to just go up and talk to and explain things. and they are like... secretly angry with me so they will TOTALLY BS me if i try to tell them the truth.

and as far as the person who i did this to, well... supposedly they forgave me, but i still feel so much hatred from them, and it doesnt help that i dont want to go anywhere anymore because i dont have many friends anymore. i mean... i know i did something wrong and hurtful, but i dont believe that things should have blown up this much.

im so over everyone being fake-nice to me, and gossipping about me, it just really sucks because no one knows the truth. not even the person who is the "victim" they refuse to believe the truth as well... the truth... i think it may be easier for them and slightly less painful to blame me for everything.


i need a girl friend i can talk to that wont be fake with me and wont think im a complete beezy and honestly, doesnt really know the other person.

im gonna admit something right now, the spring retreat was REALLY REALLY hard for me. i didnt want to go, i didnt want to be there, i cried a LOT because i felt so extremely alone. everyone was fake and like they all are siding with the other person and wont even come to me to see if it's true. and it also sucked because everyone is mad at ME when it was a 2-person thing. so the other person is barely having any troubles from this.

one of the moments there at the spring retreat, we were supposed to imagine us dancing with God, and well me and God stopped dancing and he just held me and i started crying (both on God's shoulder and physically) because the whole time i just needed someone to talk to about all the crap, and its like... everyone goes to the aid of the other person because they are the victim, but then its like... what, am i heartless? do i not feel guilt? or shame? do i not feel sorry? do i not care at all about that person and the fact that i, ME, I hurt them so bad that they hated me for it?!? am i not aloud to make mistakes?!!!??? i guess everyone thinks so.

but yeah, God "holding me" was sort of like a theme of my time there... but i did get a lot out of it spiritually! i mean for sure! i loved it! and i felt really connected to God, it was awesome, but just... a lot of the time when we had freetime, got pedicures, etc. i felt very alone and unloved. except i felt loved by God.

im gonna admit also, that if i didnt have other good things happening right now or other good friends to keep me preoccupied, i would be depressed and i probably wouldnt leave my room, go to church, anything... i would just sleep and be lost in my unconscious world.


i feel like a completely heartless, soulless, evil person and IM the one complaining about hurting over this. i feel so freeking rediculously pathetic.

im sad :[

im gonna go sleep.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Show the 29th

ahhhh im freaking out! because we have 40 tickets to sell by THIS FRIDAY

and how many have we sold?

like... 2

how wonderful.

im freaking out!

and we are gonna have to practice like... the day of because we werent able to practice this past friday.

im freaking out so much!

buy tickets pleeeeease!!!

The Phantom Tollbooth
May 29th
$8 presale
$10 at the door

playing with some cool bands.

show your support!

fund us so we can get tshirts!


we might be able to get tshirts FOR this show. yayuh!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Part 2

So, first.

if you havent read my previous blog (Quiet Time) then read it FIRST.

THEN read this one...


k. go now.

So tonight theres a different speaker... but he was really good! i was suprised because usually if there is a guest speaker then its like... blehhhhh time to suddenly have ADD. but this guy was good. i think it really helped too that i was seeking God a LOT today.

but so

he was talking about repentance and used the story of Bathsheba from 2 Samuel 11

for those who dont know the story, heres a quick Summer-ized recap

David thought this guy(Uriah)'s wife (Bathsheba) was pretty hot (or "of unusual beauty") probably helped that she was taking a bath... so he asks people to find out her name, all that stuff, then has his people (cause he's a king) go get her, and so she comes to his palace, they do the pants dance, she gets pregnant, so then David FREAKS OUT and tries to justify it by trying to have Uriah come home (cause he's in battle cause they are at war or something...) so that Uriah and Bathsheba can have sex so it looks like it's Uriah's baby not David's but Uriah was bein all noble so he didnt want to go and rest at the luxeries of his home while his people are out on the battle field, then David tries to get Uriah drunk, still doesnt work, so eventually he makes it to where Uriah gets sent to the front of the battle, and has all the men fall back except Uriah so he's pretty much toast. so he dies, which is bad, bathsheba who isnt david's wife, is pregnant, so its like a whole mess of bad stuff.


the guy tonight Danny, he was talking about repentance

and the "5 steps of Repentance" so ill just show you my notes.

1- Be Convicted.
(seek how God feels about it. not just feel guilty about your past sins)
Hebrews 3:13 "You must warn each other every day, while it is still "today," so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God."
Sin opens the door for deception, darkens your mind, and hardens your heart.

2 Samuel 12:1-9
"So the Lord sent Nathan the prophet to tell David this story: 'There were two men in a certain town. One was rich, and one was poor. 2The rich man owned a great many sheep and cattle. 3The poor man owned nothing but one little lamb he had bought. He raised that little lamb, and it grew up with his children. It ate from the man's own plate and drank from his cup. He cuddled it in his arms like a baby daughter. 4One day a guest arrived at the home of the rich man. But instead of killing an animal from his own flock or herd, he took the poor man's lamb and killed it and prepared it for his guest.'
5David was furious. 'As surely as the Lord lives,' he vowed, 'any man who would do such a thing deserves to die! 6He must repay four lambs to the poor man for the one he stole and for having no pity.'
7Then Nathan said to David, 'You are that man! The Lord, the God of Israel, says: I anointed you king of Israel and saved you from the power of Saul. 8I gave you your master's house and his wives and the kingdoms of Israel and Judah. And if that had not been enough, I would have given you much, much more. 9Why, then, have you despised the word of the Lord and done this horrible deed? For you have murdered Uriah the Hittite with the sword of the Ammonites and stolen his wife."

vs. 13Then David confessed to Nathan, "I have sinned against the Lord." Nathan replied, "Yes, but the Lord has forgiven you, and you won't die for this sin."

We can only repent when we realize WE are the problem. No excuses or justifications or downplaying the sin. When we have sin and dont repent of it we are hypocrites.

We need to be convinced that sin has concequences.
Numbers 32:23 "But if you fail to keep your word, then you will have sinned against the Lord, and you may be sure that your sin will find you out."

Proverbs 10:9 "People with integrity walk safely, but those who follow crooked paths will slip and fall."

that last verse is pretty much saying like... if you dont do any wrong, you have nothing to worry about... but if you keep sinning you will have to be cautious because you have caused your path to become crooked which makes it easier for you to slip and fall.

Proverbs 26:26 "While their hatred may be concealed by trickery, their wrongdoing will be exposed in public"

That goes with the whole being a light thing i was saying in my previous blog... and in the verses where it says that if you are a light it exposes.

Ephesians 5:13 "But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them. 14 for the light makes everything visible..."

so that tied in together pretty nicely.

a good way to figure out what you should repent about is ask yourself
"would i want so and so to know i do or have done this?" if you have to keep some blurry lines secret, you probably shouldnt do them, you probably should bring them in the light, because otherwhise... you WILL be found out...

2nd step of repentance

but if you repent first, and confess your sin, then God will take care of you.

1 John 1:9 "But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness."

so thats pretty awesome... if we figure out that we have a problem. want to get rid of it, then we try to have a change of heart, ask God for help, confess the sin without justifying it, and He will keep His promise... because God doesn't lie.

Psalm 51:1-4 (david's response after admitting he had sinned about Bathsheba)
"Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. 2Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. 3For i recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night. 4Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just."

if you read the rest of chapter 51 you see he is TOOOOTTALLLY sorry, like... just really beating down on himself about it and its not him being sorry for being caught, he truly is sorry for his sin because God deserves better.

back to my notes.

God's the only one who will be judging me in the end.

2 Corinthians 7:8-11
"I am not sorry that i sent that severe letter to you, though i was sorry at first, for i know it was painful to you for a little while. 9Now i am glad i sent it, not because it hurt you, but because the pain caused you to repent and change your ways. It was the kind of sorrow God wants his people to have, so you were not harmed by us in any way. 10For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There's no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death. 11Just see what this godly sorrow produced in you! Such earnestness, such concern to clear yourselves, such indignation, such alarm, such longing to see me, such zeal, and such a readiness to punish wrong. You showed that you have done everything necessary to make things right.

Proverbs 28:13
"People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.

James 5:16
"Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results."

Psalm 32:3
"When i refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and i groaned all day long."

Confessing our sins to SOMEBODY frees us of our burden. If you confess it to God and that's not enough then that's a sin you should confess to someone. Make peace before going to the altar so there is nothing between you and God making it difficult to truly worship. When you confess dont make excuses. Admit it how it is. True repentance takes true remorse.

3rd step

do EVERYTHING you can. Let go of what you need to let go of.

Acts 5:31
"Then God put him in the place of honor at his right hand as Prince and Savior. He did this so the people of Israel would repent of their sins and be forgiven."

2 Timothy 2:25
"Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people's hearts, and they will learn the truth."

Repentance is a gift. You cant overcome the power of sin without god. Ask God to grant you a deeper level or repentance.

Psalm 51:10-13
"Create in me a clean heard, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me. 11Do not banish me from your presence, and don't take your Holy Spirit from me. 12Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. 13Then I will teach your ways to rebels, and they will return to you.

4th step
is part of justice.

when you do something wrong, make it right. If you know youre gonna have to make it right eventually, or later on, then youre gonna want to do it right the first time.

5th step

Psalms 32:1-2
"Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight! 2Yes, what a joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty!"

so okay.

it didnt like... COMPLETELY fit with what i read today, at least not my notes,

but the service did.


making things right, (like dont let the sun set while you're still angry)

and shining light (being the light, exposing sin)


so it did fit.

at least enough for me.

im excited for what's to come of tomorrow :]

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Quiet Time. May 21, 2009

Okay, so this morning i spent 2 hours engulfed in the Bible, and prayer, and striving for connection with God... and at the end i decided i wanted to post about it... which im really excited about because i used to want to be a pastor, and well... i sort of still do, but i dont know...

for the most part im just gonna post a TOOON of scripture, and let you make of it what you want because i dont want to feed you false things, so im just gonna show you the Truth in the Word and hopefully you make of it correctly, but ill let you know a bit how it fits in my life at the moment...

so im not gonna go in order or when i found what... so okay here-goes.

This is kind of my verse of the moment right now... or well... i just relate to David a lot in this.

Psalm 4:1-2,4-5.
"1-Answer me when I call to you, O God who declares me innocent. Free me from my troubles. Have mercy on me and hear my prayer. 2-How long will you people ruin my reputation? How long will you make groundless accusations? How long will you continue your lies? 4-Don't sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent. 5-Offer sacrifices in the right spirit and trust in the Lord."

Also, tonight at Common Ground i was really inspired to read more about David's life... his story sounds really interesting! i wish i could find a Bible that is chronoligical... because theres the story of Bethsheba in 2 Samuel, and then after he admits he has sinned, then he writes Psalm 51... so im like ahhh i wanna read it in order! Brian, do you know of any chronological bibles?

but... back to this post.

So here's an Anger theme that i found today... oh and btw, i wasnt going by any bible reading plan, this all happened out of different guidances from God that happened in rad ways.

so yeah.

oh and also btw, the reason this applies to me right now is because ive been very interested in anger, and how to be angry righteously...

Ephesians 4:26 "And 'don't sin by letting anger control you' (reference to Psalm 4:4) Don't let the sun go down while you're still angry. 27-for anger gives a foothold for the devil. 31- Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."

^^ i like that one... essspeeccciiially vs. 31

Psalm 4:8 "In peace i will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe."

i just liked that because it kind of like applies to the "dont let the sun go down while youre still angry" so like... you sleep in peace, not in anger... idk i just liked it.

and then these two verses moreso apply to my friend's dad who ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS "teases" and he says its not in a mean way, but if he knew that it was hurtful, he wouldnt stop...

ive noticed that Colossians and Ephesians are like... almost identical... at least in content. maybe not exact words, but the content is for sure the same... (i read both complete books today)

anyway (sorry im so scatterbrained)

Ephesians 6:4 "Fathers, do not prevoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord."

Colossians 3:21 "Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged."

so... friend.. (you know who you are) feel free to use those scriptures in arguments if need be since he does.

and then my next "theme" is of

-Living in the Light-

which i have talked about in blogs before... remember the whole "blurry lines" deal, well yeah... okay so here it is... this is a long one btw.

Ephesians 5:1 Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. 2Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.
3Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God's people. (this one really applies to my friends ->)4Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes - these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. 5You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.
6Dont be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him. 7Dont participate in things these people do. 8For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! 9For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true. 10Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. 11Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them. 12It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. 13But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them. 14for the light makes everything visible. This is why it's said,
"Awake, O sleeper,
rise up from the dead,
and Christ will give you light."
15So be careful how you live. Dont live like fools, but like those who are wise. 16Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. 17Dont act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. 18Dont be drunk with wine, because the will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit,19singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. 20And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Here is some really similar stuff in Colossians
Colossians 3:5-17
5So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don't be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. 6Because of these sins, the anger of God is coming. 7You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. 8But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. 9Dont lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. 10Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. 11In this new life, it doesn't matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us.
12Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.
16Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to god with thankful hearts. 17And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.

Colossians 1:27 "For God wanted them to know that the riches and glory of Christ are for you Gentiles, too. And this is the secret: Christ lives in you. This gives you assurance of sharing his glory.

that verse is better when you read the whole chapter, because you kind of get to know Paul's heart and compassion for the people of Colosse (and every other city he wrote to)(and every other person on the face of the planet)

and of course Jesus's words...

Matthew 5 14You are the light of the world - like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. 15No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. 16In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.

another theme is not listening to what someone says about the bible and instantly believing it. even with pastors... because i know so many people that just believe anything Brian says, or Ed says, or Todd says, because they are pastors and thats just what people do... they believe what pastors say...

but you should test it.

so heres a few verses i found.

(btw you see a bit of Paul's compassion in this)
Colossians 2:1-5 1I want you to know how much i have agnoized for you and for the church at Laodicea, and for many other believers who have never met me personally. 2I want them to be encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love. I want them to have complete confidence that they understand God's myserious plan, which is Christ himself. 3In him lie hidden all the treasrues of wisdom and knowledge. 4I am telling you this so no one will deceive you with well-crafted arguments. 5For though i am far away from you, my heart is with you. And i rejoice that you are living as you shouldd and that your faith in Christ is strong.

6-7 6And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. 7Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.

8Don't let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ.
(C28 btw)

so yeah.

thats what i found today,

read my next post for how it all tied in together at Common Ground tonight

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Tonight (tuesday)

was nice....

i was outside pretty much the whole night from 7:00 to 10:30...

with a walk that lasted 3 minutes because we started downhill and then everyone decided that since we're going downhill, then we have to go back uphill, so we turned around and walked uphill and just stayed up there...

and a little bit of centaur-shadow making with peeps, along with crab shapes, and an H, and raaaaandom everything... fighting with handguns (literal hand-guns) hearing/watching the owl(s)

but i especially liked the last hour of the night... it was very peaceful. dancing, sitting, relaxing under the stars, the clouds were amazing, the stars were amazing, it was just a very nature-y, cool, calm, relaxing night...

i want to be outside more often...

if only there werent rapists, murderers, ants, and spiders. hah.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Check it.

My friend Spencer has a blog, and he wants it to be open for discussion/comments/opinions etc.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

The day i almost died.


i almost died the other day.

well... more like... i SHOULD have died. or been seriously injured...

heres the story.

ill give a biiiit of backround first.

my power steering has been acting funky... didnt know why... put in more fluid, found out that my hose is broken so power steering=non-existant till i get a new hose... a guy i know looked at it to tell me that its broken, and told me that my tire is flat/low and the tread is wearing down on the SIDES of the tire... which is bad.

so i filled up my tire asap and thought i would be fine... which i was... driving without power steering isnt that bad... but i thought my tire would be fine once i filled it up and i wouldnt have to worry about the tread on the side until its low again.

so i was fine for a while...

and then i was driving on the 125, getting off to go onto the 94 cause i was going to pick up my Deaf World book from Spencer before class and well... when i was on the offramp to spring st/94 i ran over a MAJJJOORRRR pot hole.

like.... major.

it made my CD player stop cause it jerked my car so bad.

so i was thinkin "dannngg! that was rediculous" and then i kept driving because i didnt have much farther till my destination, but then i noticed that my power steering was harder but i was thinking "ill just check it out when im parked, i dont have that much farther" so im driving on the 94 slowly to go easy on my car, and so that people pass me so that they arent around in case something bad DOES happen... so im goin like 50-55mph and im driving over like overpasses n stuff to the streets below, and i drive over one, and im fine... then i start to drive over another and then


my CD player stops again and my car starts turning side to side like crazy status. and its like really difficult to steer and so im like FREAKING OUT and i pull over after the overpass ON THE FREEWAY which is scary to be sitting in a parked car in itself, so i turn on my hazard lights and just sit there for a while just like... trying to calm down because it seriously was so rediculously scary! and then i call spencer and told him "ummm..... im on the side of the freeway.... and i think my tire exploded...." so he asked me where i was and came to help... and as im waiting i have to transfer everything from my trunk to the backseat of my car so i can get the spare out, and i look at my tire and it looked like someone stabbed it 10 times...

so Spencer parks behind me and we take out my spare and try and get off the bolts and the freeking wrench thingy broke! like the part that goes over the bolt completely just like... cracked down the middle... so were like "well... now what?" so i call AAA and they come fairly fast actually, and change my tire for me and then i drive off happily ever after...


then that night i was talking to my dad and found out that the passenger front tire is the worst one to blow out... especially on the freeway because it can pull you into the car next to you... and well... when it blew out i was on an over pass so either i would have hit the overpass wall and totalled my car, or driven/broken through and OFF the over pass, landing on the street below thus totaling my car, and dying, and most likely cause a crash.... or after the over pass, i could have rolled off the side of the freeway (there was an onramp after the overpass) thus totalling my car, and possibly dying...


i could have spun out, gotten hit by a bajillion cars and died, or killed someone, thus totalling my car...

so pretty much.

i was really blessed to not have died that day... or been seriously injured... like... i could be in the hospital right now... but by the grace of God im completely unharmed...

just a little shaken up, and thankful im alive.

Monday, May 11, 2009


Okay, so Brian's comment on my last post made me want to write a new post just to go a bit more in depth in my reply... (i was just going to reply in a comment but then decided i had too much to say) and this post isnt directly to brian except like... the following line.

Yeah i agree that offending people isnt a sign that we're serving God, but i do think it's wrong if we're holding back or avoiding issues to be politically correct, or to not offend, or anything like that. I think that insults God.

(this is the part that isnt a reply to Brian)
Its saying that the listener's feelings are more important than the Truth needing to be told.

and I know some churches dont talk about politics or the pastors dont say where they stand politically, but i think the opposite should happen.

like with the '08 elections, i know that there were like prayer rallys and stuff for the Yes on Prop 8 (which i think should have been more advertised at Journey because that line is a bit blurred at Journey... like where we stand) but with like McCain vs. Obama, i think that there should have been discussions about who to vote for, teachings on how to decide in a God-honoring morally and biblically correct way, etc.

because i think that as a church, and churches all over SD we need to unite as believers and do what we can to place whoever is best in the white house. (which everyday i believe more and more WASN'T Obama, which i will post about next)

I know that there are maaannnnnyyyyy different values and moral standards and beliefs within Journey and the pastors saying their opinions wouldn't flow right with everyone, and they would really have to check their opinions before teaching them, but really, as a church we are supposed to be of one body....

and if that body has conflicting parts then it isnt right, it wont function to its fullest potential.

which brings me to another topic.

church unity...

I think that there is too much competition between churches. Numbers have become too important in the church. Personally, i think that numbers speak only so much of how great a church is...

i mean sure, if a church is AMAZING then yes there will be a lot of people coming, staying, believing, growing, etc. but you could also have a number of people having idle spirituality, or none what-so-ever, or you could have a ton of stubborn people that have nothing to do on a sunday morning...

but really, i think that if someone leaves a church to go to another one it shouldnt be so terrible or "wrong" (as ive heard some people saying,) because if someone isnt getting fed, then people should be HAPPY that they are seeking to be closer to God and encourage them, like "if you are not being fed here, if youre not growing closer to God here, please PLEASE keep searching."

i think that the goal has been messed up in the church.

numbers have gotten too important/stressed, and people actually getting fed has gone down. (not saying that churches arent trying to feed the visitors, but if you are always at a visitor level, then the current believers can only go so far)


here's where i may get a bit offensive... (im not sure if i will be or already have been or not, but still.)

I have a few issues with how things are going down right now...

i dont know quite how to word it so i apologize if i sound wierd or harsh.

why is it that we have to TRY to make sunday mornings more APPEALING to the OUTSIDE-worldly people, thus blurring a few lines in the church, and then having the in-depth, growing-closer-to-God moments or at least emphasis on spirituality more on wednesdays? i mean the Word is totally being fed on sunday mornings! no doubt about it!

BUT spirituality has been taken out of the church a bit more. like demons, angels, the whole spiritual realm, has been pushed to the side a bit more

(which i think should DEFINETLY NOT be out of a high school ministry, especially because thats where people are spiritually flexible and it is clear that there have already been attacks)

and has been replaced with fun games and entertaining videos etc. i mean yes, it is fun, and engaging, and makes the atmosphere welcoming and enjoyable, but i think that is also insulting to God. Shouldn't God's AMAZING, MIRACULOUS, AWESOME-ness be the draw? and yes i understand that there needs to be fellowship within the church, but i think that should be on wednesdays, and have the in-depth discussions, spiritual contraversial teachings, on sundays.

I mean, i love Journey, I love Brian, and all the pastors, and i think God moves in Journey, and Brian is doing a good job in Encounter, but i think that there should be some more spirituality being taught. (in all churches) more things on prayer, worship, the spiritual realm, moral values, spiritual gifts, pretty much how to be a better Righteous, God-fearing, Christ-follower, and let God deal with/move in the worldly visitors.

just sayin.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Get off my back!!!!

Ive been wanting to say that a lot lately.... to a lot of people....

for one instance, guys.... now i dont want to sound conceited or like everyone is in love with me or anything, but honestly! please... guys, get off my back. i dont appreciate you constantly trying to get closer to me, or flirt with me, or whatever.... it makes me feel that my only worth in the friendship is just some toy, and once you figure out that im not gonna return it, then youll just drop me... so please....

if you want to be a good friend, please stop making me feel like im worth nothing except my body or my attention.

and then also,

with other people...

i want to just say get off my back! because well, i didnt do what you think i did (yet refuse to believe it)

and also,

with other people...

i want to say get off my back because i think people are blowing something WAAAAAY out of preportion.... people are jealous, and its annoying because its causing them to turn against things i do out of their jealousy and make them irrational and argue for stupid reasons.

and also,

with other people...

i want to say get off my back because well... im trying... but its not enough.

and with other people, i wanna say get off my back!!! because well... ITS NONE OF YOUR FREEKING BUSINESS THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!! Stop gossipping about my life to your immature little friends just cause you are judgemental and manipulative.

but with some people, i want to say, pleeeeeease hang with me, calm me down, i want to get closer to YOU not... them

but seriously...

with most people in my life right now,


just fyi...

MOST people reading my blog are not included in the "get off my back" business...


but not all....



i cant tell you how much i want to just hold a press conference and just say whats on my mind.

im not afraid to offend, im just afraid good people will think im a terrible person for it.

but really people.

why is offending someone the worst thing on the face of the planet? i think being afraid to offend so much is a bit worldly.... because really, where in the bible does it say "do not offend your neighbor" um... no.... some things about Jesus offend people but im not gonna hide it just to make them happy... no!

who is more important, their happiness? or God's?


i went there.

Friday, May 1, 2009



its coming!!!!!

i love it when sign ups are happening. they make me anxious but so pumped!

they make me anxious because it makes me worry about how the heck im supposed to get the money in time (ive been applying places like craaazzyyy, hopefully one works out.)

but, i get pumped because it makes me think of all my past OGN memories and how excited i am for all the 1st years coming this year and how i am excited to see their lives and relationships with God change...


the college is going this year! woo! so a lot of people that i know from there are probably going so it will be like... extra cool. and extra Journ-a-fied.

so yeah.

usually i never say "omg" but everytime i say OGN and im excited i just wanna say OMG as well because it has the O and the G in common with OGN, and M and N sound the same.

i dont know.

i just like it

but im going to bed now.


now my wrist is kind of cramping because i had my ASL class today so my hands are tired.