Monday, June 1, 2009


Okay so theres this little shindig happening where its a 5-way combined graduation party, and well...

i was trying to make a list of who to invite, and it just made me lonely because there are people for instance, in my small group, who i want to invite, but i dont think they would care enough to come... i feel like a lot of people in my small group have something against me... which well, i know what it is, but it just sucks because they are acting like everything is fine, yet they dont want to have anything to do with me.

and its not like i can come up to them and say "heres how it is, you dont need to be mad at me" because they will be like "im not mad, what do you mean?" or whatever, but they actually are and dont want to say it to my face, and then go along their merry way and ill still be stuck with no one to turn to.

and its like really? are you serious? NO girl has my back? well... except maybe like... 1 or 2, but in comparison to the freeking like... 25 that the other person has? its like... what? i thought i had friends, but they just turn against me once i do one little thing wrong.


i just want to get out already!

this is one of the reasons why im glad im graduating early, and why i want to leave when im graduated, because every single sunday, when i look at all the faces that dont talk to me anymore, or are all awkward around me because they "know", it hurts me.

i used to be able to come into encounter, sit with whoever i wanted and have a good time. now i stand in the back until one of the few who still care about me shows up and i can tag along with them and sit with them, ignoring how alone i feel.

im sorry, but i dont want to stay.

its really not fun when you go to things like the spring retreat and the only people you get along with (except for a few girls that you barely talk to, and maybe like 2 who you sort of do) is the adult leaders... and i guess its "not aloud" for a student to hang out with an adult leader? i dont see why, especially because the ones that i would hang out with are ones that i already had ties to through either my siblings or even just myself BEFORE they became leaders.

life freeking sucks for me right now.

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