Monday, July 13, 2009

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I need a good godly girl friend who can become my best friend and will talk with me on the phone whenever, and will hang out with me all the time and invite me a lot of places with her because thats just what best friends do, and wont talk down to me like im super young or naive or something, and who i can trust wont tell any single thing about my life to anyone else, and who will be loyal to me, and will stick up for me, and who will come over to my house all the time and spend the night all the time, and has knowledge in spiritual things, and we can have fellowship together...



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i have my band, and then surface friends.


and when it comes to my band, i only talk about deep stuff with one of them, maybe one more, and they are all guys.


i need a girl!


i know it takes time, but im too scared to try anymore... i dont feel like its worth it to get close to anyone anymore because they are just gonna leave me or give up on me or hate me after they see the real me for long enough, because thats how it has been with everyone that ive gotten close to.

im never good enough. i always am the one that gets pushed aside after time, im the on that gets forgotten to be invited, and then eventually people just stop talking to me altogether.



i go to church all smiley and huggy but really, honestly, i HATE having to find a place to sit, because yeah there are open places, but i dont feel welcome.


ive been going to this church longer than a wholllle lot of the people in there, so why am i STILL not feeling welcome?


i used to have friends,

i used to hang out with people all the time, have sleepovers, go on girly adventures, etc.


and then it all just vanished.




i NEED a friend. im seriously in NEED of one.


i seriously want to look on craigslist for a good friend. or like.. eharmony or something, but for friends.



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