Monday, July 13, 2009

:[

I need a good godly girl friend who can become my best friend and will talk with me on the phone whenever, and will hang out with me all the time and invite me a lot of places with her because thats just what best friends do, and wont talk down to me like im super young or naive or something, and who i can trust wont tell any single thing about my life to anyone else, and who will be loyal to me, and will stick up for me, and who will come over to my house all the time and spend the night all the time, and has knowledge in spiritual things, and we can have fellowship together...



:[


i have my band, and then surface friends.


and when it comes to my band, i only talk about deep stuff with one of them, maybe one more, and they are all guys.


i need a girl!


i know it takes time, but im too scared to try anymore... i dont feel like its worth it to get close to anyone anymore because they are just gonna leave me or give up on me or hate me after they see the real me for long enough, because thats how it has been with everyone that ive gotten close to.

im never good enough. i always am the one that gets pushed aside after time, im the on that gets forgotten to be invited, and then eventually people just stop talking to me altogether.



i go to church all smiley and huggy but really, honestly, i HATE having to find a place to sit, because yeah there are open places, but i dont feel welcome.


ive been going to this church longer than a wholllle lot of the people in there, so why am i STILL not feeling welcome?


i used to have friends,

i used to hang out with people all the time, have sleepovers, go on girly adventures, etc.


and then it all just vanished.




i NEED a friend. im seriously in NEED of one.


i seriously want to look on craigslist for a good friend. or like.. eharmony or something, but for friends.



:[

8 comments:

Miss Violet said...

i'm right there with you lady.

I've always harbored a lot of anger for those girls that completely exclude themselves from everything when they get a boyfriend but i feel like I've become one of them by default just cause of circumstances that have made the girls in my life become distant.

so far the only thing that has worked is persistence. if you want to become friends with someone be the one to ask if they wanna get coffee and make yourself available. also try and switch up your environments. meet new people. the rest will follow. I'm still in the persistence stage myself. I hope things get better I'll see you on wednesday lady :]

Tubbums said...

I'm sorry about that Summer. I don't know if this helps at all but like I told you at OGN you're litterally one of the coolest and spiritually curious girls i know. I'm not sure what to say other than that, whatever the reason is that you don't feel welcome at Journey makes no sense to me. I know our church tends to be sorta clicky(sp.)but I dunno, I could hook you up with my sister... You two already think the other is sexy so why not. This way you won't have to create an online friend-finder.

Summer said...

Violet,
Yeah i know what you mean. im somewhat doing the change of environment thing right now... i was gonna go to new format yesterday but i felt like crap and didnt want to have to be around a bunch of people and sit for a while listening and then feel awkward and young. so i just chilled with friends and watched a movie. and i keep telling people "ill go next week" but things keep happening... so ill just say, i want to go next week, and if i do, then yay. ha


and Adam,
Ha i cant tell you how many people are trying to hook me up with their family members hah. im gonna start going to new format so ill see a lot of people there, and maybe make friends there, maybe even with her, who knows. shes sorta in the circle of people that i already know anyway so... yeah. and also i really do appreciate what you said at OGN, im trying really hard to be a good influence on people just naturally, meaning trying to actually be as righteous and God-loving in my daily norm as possible so that people can feed off of it and hopefully strive to become more God-loving too. so i really do appreciate it.

Bentoth7576 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bentoth7576 said...

Summer first of all you are one of the most amazing and wonderful people I know. You have always been I good learner and a good teacher. I have been so impress with you all these years and know even thought I am not in the deepest parts of your life, that you are worthy of a good friend and a life long companion. I know this because I am and have been blest with one or two. Second thing I echo violets advise, and think that you should also pray and ask God for a friend. When Dan left I thought I would never find another friend like him, and I was partly right when Dan left Bryce, Sam, and Jon took his place. Bryce fulfills the spiritual need in me and the fun too, Sam the emotional side of me, and Jon the let lose and have some fun part of me. C.S. Lewis says in the Four Loves: that it is better to have a three friend group instead of a two person. Anyway I will be praying for you and I hope you find the friend you are looking for.

brian c. berry said...

summer,

I once wrote a similar post in my own life not long ago. I think the search for a true same gender long term friend is a deep need we all share. I'm sorry that you don't feel welcome at church. I wish there was something more I could do. In the meantime, I'll just continue to pray that God leads you and meets your needs- by providing for you all you need- even close girl friends.

Brian

Tay Tay said...

I used to feel that way, and sometimes still do I am sorry to say I have no other advice than this: pray about it God loves us and His love fulfills us more than the love of any friend ever could. I know this isn't the "practical" answer, but it's true; before I became a Christian I had no friends, but then God's love overwehelmed me, it filled me up, I hope He can fill you up in the same way. As for your Church, possible bring it up with the pastor, a Church is a community of beleivers, we go to worship God, it is not a community center, all I know is that excluding other beleivers doesn't sound like worshiping God at all. I hope this helps.

melissahvongo said...

oh Summer I'd love to be your best gal pal ;) we just had a sleepover thats a start :) im kind of socially awkward though ..sorry? hhaha lets do something :D