Sunday, February 14, 2010

You know your life sucks when...

Youve played almost every game on



I am just a bit confused because before i had 6 followers, all of which were my friends. but after 2 weeks i now have 23.

And most of you seem from different countries.


Followers, how did you find my blog?


Why are you interested in it?


Do any of you know each other?

Saturday, February 13, 2010

depressing realization

I just had a depressing realization.

I havent seen any friends for 2 weeks except for one, just today.

and, only one has tried contacting me.

its really depressing.


Im watching Pretty Woman on Lifetime channel.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


ugh i hate this dream... but i just cant shake it so im gonna blog it and hopefully that will take it off of my mind.

it was a really short dream, but it was enough.

the dream before it was my birthday, we had hotdogs, at first no one showed up but then i invited a few more people and they came, then i had a crazy 50s adventure with a friend's grandparents.... weird.


oh and disclaimer, this blog is not to sound racist, or anything like that... this was my dream that i just woke up from, and doesnt depict reality.

so it starts out kind of surrounding and viewing around and over a taj mahal but not all nice... just a tan building that has those dome things on the top... so it pans around and over, and then finally comes into my brain/life so im seeing what "i" am seeing.
so theres that building, but we were in america. and we (meaning me, a friend who isnt real, and spencer, and apparantly i had a baby? so my baby) were eating lunch at a table outside of the taj mahal ish building.

so were eating lunch and hanging out while other people were eating too, and theres a radio kind of going in the background, and i said "wouldnt it suck if the wall in israel came down right now?" and i have no idea if that is something in revelation or not, but in my dream, hellll would start once the wall in israel came down. (idk if there is a wall)

but so then an earthquake started immediately, and a person that was listening to the radio around us said "it just did"

so while the earthquake is going people are screaming and freaking out and running around, leaving their stuff at their tables just running with their valuables. and i take a look up and i see a plane flying over us but it was green with like... a red yellow and orange circle at the bottom, kind of looking like it matched the cone shaped bomb it was about to drop. (it wasnt a US plane)

so people are screaming "their gonna bomb us!" "oh my god!" "their gonna kill us!"

so right when i see the plane i grab my son and my bag and start running to a place that the army has set up for emergency protocol type stuff...

so im running and i see spencer and my friend left without me and so im running to catch up to them and i finally do and i shove spencer and scream at both of them "You left me!! you actually left me! i looked around to make sure you were with me and you were gone! how could you do that? you left me!"

and then my friend just ran away and i was there with spencer, and he seemed like he kind of woke up from something and started crying and said "im sorry im sorry! i couldnt think" and then i flashed back to when he left and it showed him not being able to think about it, he just had to run.

so he was apologizing and then we ran together to the building and got in line to give our information to prove that we were safe people. but then i saw that everyone that gave their information was getting a shot and i flipped out because it wasnt just a shot, it was an injection into our blood. like on the mid-arm/elbow area where people get blood tests and ivs sometimes... yeah... you got injected there. so when it was my turn, i saw the brownish stuff and the needle (it was huge) so i asked the guy if i could step out of line and just kind of prepare myself for it because i cant handle needles... they were telling me that it was an antidote for if the terrorists try to poison all of us, that we can survive.

so i step out of line and i cant see spencer, but i know hes with me. and so my brother Jackie walks through the line (random) gets his shot and then goes, and then i get the courage to do it, so i get the shot, and then they give me a grocery cart with water bottles in it and a little cup with a peelable top which is the thing i just got injected with, but for kids 5 and under so they have to drink it...

but so the guy gave me the cart because i had a baby (it wasnt protocol, he did it to be nice), so i arranged the water bottles in a cradling manner and put my bag down in it and set my son in there, and pushed the cart through

and then i sit in a room with all these other people and lay down and i hear a radio saying "and they just injected everyone with a toxin that kills like suicide" and so im starting to get super sleepy but i think "oh no, im gonna die" and i think about how i never gave my child the cup... and i hear explosions in the distance and people crying, and it smells musty like no one has taken a shower or washed their clothes in ages, and then i "fall asleep" but really i died... and so its all black, but i hear the radio saying "and they killed everyone so that the terrorists couldnt get a hold of them first."

and then i slowly woke up...

i didnt like this dream... it was too realistic... and i didnt like that it had my son in it because well... i know that i dont have kids yet, and im not even married or anything, but i already love my future children. like i already have a protective feeling over them, and things that happen now sometimes worry me for their well being. so i really didnt like that it had a son of mine in it, in all of that chaos.

and to wonder if maybe he survived? maybe someone else didnt take the "antidote" either and took care of him, and he was able to avenge me and everyone that died that day?

but also to wonder if maybe he survived, but the terrorists got a hold of him and raised him in a hellish way beating on him because he is american and a disgrace to humanity. or raising him in evil ways and turning him into a terrible evil person.


this dream just rubbed me the wrong way.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

my car :[

has been broken for a week.

im surprised i actually survived a whole week without a car! Its crazy how before you have something, you dont feel you really NEED it... but then once you have it and its gone, then you have no clue what to do with your life.

for example.

cell phone. i was one of the latest out of all of my friends to get a cell phone, and i didnt really need it very much, i could use my friend's phones, but now that i have one, and if i leave it at home, or in my car :[ then i am panicking like crazy.

and with my car, ive only had one for a year, but seriously... its killing me not having it!

i have to go to school, and church, and all of the rest of the time, i have absolutely nothing to do.

thats why ive been on call of duty so freeking often. because i have NOTHING TO DO, and nowhere to go!

all of my friends live too far away to pick me up and go somewhere.


and, now that i dont have a job, of course its going to cost me like $500 to just have my DAD fix my car, because i need a whole new distributor because my ignition doesnt work anymore.

and like, im applying for jobs and stuff, but what am i gonna do? my family cant drive me anywhere, so how am i supposed to get a job to pay for my car, when i dont have a car to get to the freeking job!?!?


in a perfect world, a 17 year old girl could ride the bus or trolley alone without any risk whatsoever.


Saturday, February 6, 2010


Pancakes + Syrup + Powdered Sugar + Whipped Cream = a whole lot of sugar, but a whole lot of heaven!

im feelin pretty dandy thanks to that equation.