Sunday, May 2, 2010


I want to be a leader. I want to be a worship leader again. Not just in music, but in my life. I want to input in people's lives. I want to be an intercessor for God. I want God to pour out of my heart and soul because im so overwhelmingly full of Him, and i want to pour my heart and soul into other people's hearts and souls.

I want to cry with someone about their struggles. I want to pray for someone and have them be set free. I want to hear about their problems and give advice and watch their walks with God grow with mine. I want to worship and speak into people's hearts. I want to be an example. I want to be looked up to. I want to be a woman "after God's own heart". I want God to give me gaps so i can take leaps. I want to hear his voice daily guiding me where to go. I want to wake up in the morning remembering dreams from God, or of me being with God. I want God to be so center in my life, so saturated, so thick, so full, in my life that there is no. possible. way. i could EVER forget him. that i could EVER turn away from him ever again. I love being revived, but i dont want to have to be again. I want to stay moving forward. I dont want to be idle ever again.

I am on fire.

My soul is burning of worship and my heart is filling with desire that it is about to explode.
I'm having God withdrawals. I need more worship. I need more of His voice and His hand.

i BEGGED God for ground-breaking faith today. I was begging and begging and begging for God to send His Holy Spirit to just fill my heart with passion and just make me overwhelmed.

I have worship songs stuck in my head. I keep wanting to sing "holy holy holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who Was, and Is, and Is to come." I want to cry and laugh and sing and dance. I dont want to sleep.

I always wondered if the angels by God's throne would ever get tired of singing that to God, and now i understand that NO WAY. It is a pleasure to be able to sing songs to God. It is a pleasure to be able to have even just a few words to describe God's greatness to somehow release this passion from within.

Worship is a BLESSING, not an obligation.

God has never been more real, or more beautiful in my entire life. I am so in love with God. I am so sad that some people haven't or even won't experience this amazing, indescribable feeling because they are blind or un- or mis- informed.

I have heard and seen so many stories of people being hurt by the church, or hurt by "christians" or seen so many "christians" being lame. living mediocre lives. nothing special. I mean honestly, not even I would want that if i had never seen anything different.

I wish that people didn't think that people are just christians to go to heaven, or so that we aren't afraid to die, or because it is "what everyone is doing" or because we think we are "good people"

its not about that.

I am in love with my God. I want to live my life in constant communication with Him. I want to meet with other people and talk about what amazing things God has done in my life. I want to encourage everyone around me to keep pressing towards God. I dont even want to think about what could possibly hurt Him.

THAT is christianity.

Christianity is supposed to be passion. love. faith. leaps. awe. worship. a connection. a lifestyle.

Loving God, is the only way to TRULY live.

parties, fashion, trends, celebrities, alcohol, drugs, political parties, wealth, being Hot, having sex, having a great body, being the center of many men's fantasies, those are not even CLOSE to the life you experience with God.

Ah. im ranting.

If anyone ever has questions, ask.

it can be anonymous. if you dont want me posting just give me an email and ill reply.

Ah. I have never been so full in my entire life.


Nehemiah P. said...

I LOVE IT. It's crazy I went to this service yesterday, where it seemed like there was a huge emphasize on worship. They still taught the word. But I understand what you mean in my mind when you say you want to Worship, and be led by him... basically be in his presence all night and day. I see the Passion you have many others are starting to have. And as I watch more and more people Some even hardcore atheist/ agnostic become passionate for God and his Glory.It reminds me That God is the God of the impossible. I hope it encourages you that others share a similar passion and that your blog put into words how I feel.

Sunshine and Shadows said...

I know that when I pray to find people to share God's love with - I find them.

Great testimony of God.

Shikii said...

I went to Church regularly for almost 5 years. When I stopped, I told all my church going fellows that it was because i couldn't keep up with new work load at high school, but that wasn't true, i just got tired of forfeiting my Sundays. I do believe people when they claim that they find joy in worship, but i just don't understand why i can't.

BusyB said...

That is GREAT!!!

misanthropist said...

Hey there.
Your post is amazingly beautiful. There was a time when I felt so close to God, when I used to feel just as you did but then I got ill (mentally) not because of that but because of a different reason and I lost my connection because I stopped praying and then I started doing things wrongly. But Im back I guess.. Im not a Christian by the way I'm Muslim and our religion tells stories of people who are so in love with God to the point they do nothing else in their lives but work and pray.. I wish I could be like that..

I wish I could be your friend. The part where you said you wish you could listen to someone's problems and help them sounds just like me..

I'm so in love with nature too..

I'm so lonely though

Anyway take care

Nomad.....!! said...

Wow...Why do you not read about "GOAN Inquisition" ..jst some facts tht may come in handy!!